WHAT IS THE “MAN’S ROLE?”

Let’s be honest – no two relationships are the same. Therefore; there isn’t a one size fits all recipe for the man you need to become or should be in a relationship.

Life changes. Times change. The world changes. Roles change. When dealing with people, unpredictability is inevitable. If you want to get ahead, you need to be able to role with the punches. The number one role that man needs to play in a relationship is one of agape love. Remember when your mom told you she had unconditional love for you? Agape love is similar, only for your spouse. Agape love is simply defined as a love that that serves regardless of circumstances. Guys, your lady is going to be emotional, that is in her DNA. Don’t try and change that – you will fail. Instead, embrace the fact that she is emotional, understand it, or at least try to. Empathy can go a long way.

Action step: Trade your expectations for appreciations. Instead of applying expectations on to your ladies that they can never live up to, try appreciating them for the unique personalities they have. Remember, God created her, and God only created what is good. There is a great book called Love and Respect which helped me understand a truth in our relationships.Men are searching and longing for one MAIN item in their relationships – Respect. Women are searching for one MAIN item in their relationships – Love. Guys – when you get in a tiff with your lady, instead of clamming up and “being the bigger person,” try showing her love in the midst of strife. The feeling you will receive from the respect she will show you will blow your mind. Sure, there are other roles men need to play in their relationships – but they will all stem from agape love. If you can master the role of an agape lover, it will bring comfort, strength, empathy, patience, security, and many more to your relationships.

#LiveFree

WANT TO BE EFFECTIVE? FOLLOW THIS 1 RULE

About a month ago I started a new journey: I completely changed my professional career and joined another great company. I am going to write about a few of my learning’s throughout this process.

It needs to be noted that this change was significant:in size of company, responsibility, and culture…

We all read about change – We read that change fosters growth. Change is hard. Change is necessary. If you haven’t read about change, simply check out the Google results here: Change All this is great on paper, right? It is easy to simply read these articles and get pumped about “changing.” Then what happens? Nothing.

I asked myself something very inquisitive: Why?

I came up with this answer – any idea or change that you want to implement must follow this simple rule:

It must be complete on the theoretical level AND effective at the applied level.

What’s this mean to you? It means when you are evaluating a mental model or a new way of approaching a scenario – simply make sure it hits both of these criteria. Because theoretical ideas are great for brainstorming, they aren’t great at knocking to-do’s off the list. And because just knocking things off the to-do list will help get things done, but are they the right things?

Action Steps:

1. What’s the one thing if you completed right now, that in and of itself would make everything else easier or unnecessary?
2. Then do it.
3. Repeat

Be great, nothing else pays

#LiveFree

HAVE YOU EVER GONE OLLIN?

No, I didn’t spell that incorrectly.

Pronounced ALL-in, it is an expression of immense depth that conveys intense and immediate movement. Stemming from the ancient Nahuatl language, Ollin is derived from “yollotl,”meaning heart, and “yolistli,” meaning life. Ollin means to move and act now with all your heart (Taken from Kevin Hall’s book Aspire).

Take inventory of your current situations, are you moving and acting with all your heart in your faith? Your relationships? Your career? Your finances? Your health?

If you are, great! But if you are like me, I know I could go Ollin in more than one of those categories. If you are just getting started taking control of your life, pick one. Pick the most important area to you, in my case it is my faith, and go Ollin. Start there, the others will follow suit.

“When we view our path with clarity, we move with clarity, we move with a full and committed heart.” -Kevin Hall

It’s all about progress – pro means forward and gress means to move. To progress is to move forward. It isn’t going to be easy, nothing worthwhile is. But don’t let FEAR stop you.

“FEAR is nothing more than False Emotions Appearing Real – fear of failure, and fear of success can be overcome by firmly placing one foot after another with unswerving position and steadfast resolution.” – Kevin Hall

Act as if it were impossible to fail: What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

  • What calls to me? What energizes me? What makes me feel I’m at my best?

When we decide what it is we are willing to suffer for, and what we are equally willing to act on, the world opens up for us. Find out what you are willing to suffer for, then go OLLIN!

Be great, nothing else pays.

#LiveFree

PURPOSE, NOT PASSION

What are you passionate about? What would you do if money were not an issue? Where does your passion lie? These are all questions that some “life-coaches,” and guru’s will ask you to answer. However; is it possible that we should not be following our passion, and different entirely?

How about exploring what our purpose is instead – what is our purpose? Purpose always leads to passion, not the other way around. No matter what your religious beliefs, God has a purpose for you, and you alone. You have been instilled with specific gifts and talents – that if cultivated can become your strengths!

Just because growing up I was extremely passionate about playing in the NBA, there came a time in high school where I had to give that passion up and start to play towards my strengths (which ultimately led me to a college football scholarship). If we aimlessly follow our passions, we can lose a lot of time trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Not going to happen.

One of my favorite writers, George Bernard Shaw put it so much more eloquently:

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

Wow. Thanks George! You were definitely ahead of your time.

Start exploring your essential purpose – and if you want to know mine, please reach out!

#LiveFree

HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW? WHO CARES!

It is what you do with what you know that matters. Knowledge alone is not power, knowledge is only potential power. Knowledge alongside correct action is power.

Implementation (mastery) versus information overload is how you will reap rewards. #LiveFree

I am currently listening and riding around with the audio version of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Dr. Stephen R. Covey. This program is an absolute gem for around 10 bucks! Seriously, 10 bucks. Invest in yourself.

What is a habit?  Dr. Covey defines a habit as the intersection of knowledge, skill, and desire. Knowledge being the theoretical, skill being the technique, and desire being the motivation. Dr. Covey eludes to 7 of these habits throughout the program, but I am only going to focus on 1 here: The Habit of Proactivity.

Being Proactive is about taking responsibility for your life. Proactive people recognize that they are “response-able.”

Dr. Covey continues: Instead of reacting to or worrying about conditions over which they have little or no control, proactive people focus their time and energy on things they can control. The problems, challenges, and opportunities we face fall into two areas–Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence.

Being proactive means focusing your actions on your Circle of Influence, aka the things you can control. Being reactive is the polar opposite, focusing on items on which you have little or no control over.

Action Steps:

  1. Become self-aware by asking yourself where do you spend most of your time, in your Circle of Concern or your Circle of Influence?
  2. For the next week, tally each day when making decisions if you are focusing on what you can control, or on that which is out of your control.
  3. End of week review – see where your focus lies and make a personal goal to solely focus on your circle of concern.

All credit to Dr. Stephen Covey – thank you.

#LiveFree

HOW TO MASTER YOUR “INNER GAME”

I like to think one of my talents God provided me with is the ability to see trends. Trends that come from many different sources but are ultimately teaching the same concepts. For example, I will be reading a book and studying one of the concepts, then I will be listening to an audio in my car and hear a similar concept but put a completely different way, and finally I will be working with my Mastermind group or my Accountability partner when he says the same things! It’s as if the universe is smacking me in the head saying “Listen, this is something you need to focus on!”

With that being said, my overall theme this year has been focused on mastering my “inner game.” I have been studying books on emotional intelligence or EQ for short, social psychology, psycho cybernetics and neuro-linguistic programming. The realization that I have come to is that it is just as important to feed, nourish, and exercise our minds as it is our bodies. The brain is a muscle, and we must do our best to keep it healthy and grow it stronger.

I want to give you a brief overview of a new series of posts that I will be working on. One of my mentors and great authors Ron Willingham opened my eyes to what we will call the “inner game.”

Here is a diagram that illustrates what I understand to be emotional intelligence:

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New Discoveries About Breakthroughs

  1. We all have an inner belief boundary that defines who we are, what’s possible for us to achieve, and what life rewards we enjoy.
  2. This boundary is based on your past perceptions, and not on actual fact or truth.
  3. We live out these inner beliefs without questioning their authenticity.
  4. We have a strong inner need to hold on to these old beliefs and experience difficulty releasing them.
  5. Your achievements and life circumstances won’t significantly change until you release the need to hold on to these old beliefs and move past them to new goals.

Success is an inside game. Become the person that deserves the goals you want to achieve.

“Be great, nothing else pays.”

#LiveFree

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